LUKY;
TO ME A MOST ENDEARING SOUTH AFRICAN HABIT IS THAT OF CALLING TOTALLY UNRELATED PEOPLE AUNTIE OR TANNIE OR UNCLE OR OOM.
This may be caused by the fact that I don't have so many blood relatives in this country. To me it is is heartwarming to be hailed as a member of a child's family, because it seems to me that such an address includes respect, affection and confidence.
I could never be anything but very polite to anyone who calls me Tannie. I start beaming and bowing, and try to answer questions as well as I can.
Some disagree
Some people do not agree with me. Every now and then one hears of someone arguing that it is time we stopped this habit of claiming a kinship which does not exist.
In my younger days I was leaving some dry cleaning and pointed out a stain on my husband's jacket.
'It's a peculiar stain', I said 'and I can't quite make out whether it was the dog or the baby who made it.'
At the time my youngest was nearing her first birthday.
Sympathetically the lady smiled at me; 'Well, dear, never mind - being a grandfather must have its hazards as well as its joys.'
Timeless
Another time a man who was opening my car door for me because I'd left the key inside kept saying: 'You know, my dear, I'm sure you and I have met.'
I was ducking away, because somehow he managed to be opening the window with his right hand while his left was groping in vain to encircle my waist.
Grateful though I was, I made sure there was a bigger distance between us before replying: 'Goodness, wherever might that have been?'
'Weren't you in the army during the war?' he asked.
With little boosters like those to sustain my morale, I can take being called Auntie in my stride.
Double dose
Not so my husband. 'For heaven's sake stop calling me Oom', he said to a youthful colleague once. 'My name's Paddy'.
Telling me about this, he added: 'And now he calls me Oom Paddy. How's that for a contradiction in terms?'
Actually his name was Sean, and Paddy his nickname.
One day he was being presented with a safety prize at a mine function. Smiling broadly, the manager proclaimed:
'Gentlemen, you will be happy to know that I've finally discovered Paddy's real name. It's John!'
My husband just didn't have the heart to contradict him.
Makes for happiness
Getting back to this question whether it's a good thing to be called Aunt or Uncle by a child one doesn't know, I would say without hesitation; Yes.
Put yourself into the child's place. Think of the confidence, peace and security he must feel deep in his heart to address one so artlessly as Oom or Tannie. The time will come all too soon when some adult will disappoint him, and prove to him by some action or word that the grown-up population is not composed entirely of relatives and benefactors.
God grant that you and I will never be the cause of any child's learning this sad fact before he is old enough to absorb it.
Catherine Nicolette
I was charmed in India to be called Didi, or Aunty. The children in India have great respect for elders, and I found it endearing to be part of the social structure that brings security to the younger members.
Despite my having reiterated on a number of occasions that the child or young adult is perfectly at liberty to call me on my name, the children politely declined.
One day I asked why one teenager insisted on calling me Aunty.
He fixed me with a unyielding eye; 'It's respect,' he said.
Indeed. And from that day forward, I no longer invited someone younger than myself to call me on my name.
Which brings me to my aunts and uncles. Recently I visited my much loved youngest aunt and her husband. There being only sixteen years between my aunt and I, I have lost count of the times she has invited me to call her on her name.
I still call her Aunt and her name. I could never quite figure out why this was so important to me.
That day in India, with the peacock calling its harsh cry from the grove and the heat shimmering in the air, it was made plain to me by the young man's words.
It's respect.
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