There is no doubt that my generation was exposed to the mantra of 'you can have it all'.
In my fifties now, I look back and see a lot that I did not see in my younger days.
The message of 'you can have it all' and 'you need to work, because that is where you will find your freedom' were familiar to me.
Tied to work
In the past few decades I have seen situations that may apparently reflect results of the movement for individual self-expression and freedom.
A young woman stood at work and anguished, wept. She had not seen her recently born baby for many hours, and had been unable to feed her baby.
She had a painful bosom leaking much-needed milk, a work schedule that would stretch out for some hours yet.
She wept out her distress at not being home with her baby, able to feed on demand.
She wept because she missed her little girl, and because she did not know how her daughter was faring in her absence.
She wept because she was exhausted, still recovering post-delivery, and had to work for some hours still.
At the end of her tears, the women in her vicinity sympathized as they, too, had experienced the same predicament.
Physical relationship without responsibility
Many men no longer appear to regard dating as a time of courtship to get to know one another with an eye to a permanent relationship.
Instead dating appears for many to mean instant physical relationship 'with no strings attached'. One young girl, pregnant after giving her heart and body to the man she loved, rang to tell him her news.
The answer she got was apparently 'you know what to do'. Thereafter, the secretary was directed not to accept any more of her calls.
This young woman, loving and caring, was thus faced with carrying on with her pregnancy alone while studying in college.
The man she loved had let her down, and, when the gift of the child he had given her had become apparent, discarded both her and his child.
'You know what to do' has led many a grieving young mother to consider termination out of fear and lack of support.
It is challenging to be a single parent - not least because the child needs round the clock care, as well as an income.
Trying to parent, alone, as well as bring home the income - it's not easy.
Single tears
Moms who have accepted the child or children who do not have a supportive father, overnight become wedded to their work and home responsibilities.
While the mom is at work, young children can often run slightly wild.
Parenting skills slip when you are alone, tired, and don't know if you are going to make the month's bills.
The single mom who has no one to cuddle her when she's lonely, or to bring in money to pay the bills while she cares for the children, can find this situation a difficult road indeed.
The true 'having it all'
Within the last number of years I met with a group of people who have never given way on this issue.
The men are the main breadwinners. Sometimes the wives go to a part time job - but not during the child rearing years.
The grandparents traditionally do not go to a nursing home facility, but are cared for within the family.
If nursing is needed, the family members undergo training by the local hospital to equip them with the skills they need to nurse their relatives at home.
Becoming engaged is a big deal. Both families have to meet up and discuss whether their offspring are indeed a good match, and whether their families are compatible.
The young men have to have completed their educational qualifications before thinking of marriage.
The young women likewise.
No dating is allowed at all, until they have finished their studies. Then, and only then, may they date - with the grandparents along as chaperones.
Engagements are celebrated with a massive party - the entire village community attending to wish the couple, and bringing gifts for the intended marriage.
Newly married couples are given a village house by their families as their dowry.
This means that the couple start their married life in a settled home, with all the accoutrements for a well equipped house and kitchen.
The rate of divorce? Nil.
The amount of freedom the individual woman has? She has to wear modest clothing. She can't go to the store without telling her husband where she is going.
Often he will tell her she can't go unaccompanied - and takes her there. Sometimes holding her hand quietly along the way.
She travels safely. She returns safely.
The women and girls wash the clothes. The men and boys dig the gardens.
The women nurture the children. The men discipline and accompany the older boys.
The girls are taught to cook and clean and sew. The boys are taught to fix the car and carry heavy items.
The end result? Happiness.
This all made me very thoughtful. The village lifestyle is the same one I lived in as a young child, just before the revolution of independence and intimacy freedom swept through my generation.
At that time, no child in my class had divorced parents. So every child knew, at the end of the day, they would be going home to a settled background.
This had a stabilizing effect on us.
My vote?
It is essential that women have an excellent education, and the chance to use it.
It is also true, as I have been told by a very wise guru, that everything has its price.
If you love someone and marry them, you give up the individual freedom you once had.
But you gain love and a companion for life.
If you choose to parent your child at home while your partner works, you lose the extra income that makes life easier and small luxuries affordable.
But you bring up a balanced and happy child, who can tolerate self-discipline because of the parenting at home.
If you choose to have an intimate relationship as a man with a woman and she becomes pregnant, you lose your bachelor independence.
But you gain a true companion's love for life, and a beautiful child that has half your genes.
You become a father.
If you choose to place your feet on the ministerial path because of the call from God you experienced, sometimes a family of your own is not part of God's Plan.
But you gain a bigger family - the family of God - and the joy of the privilege of ministry.
So; I believe that in order to 'have it all' - as the wise guru told me; you have to give something up . . .
Maturity means the ability to accept that everything in life has its price.
What made me think of this? An article I found thought-provoking, at the following link; [1]
[1] How the book that sold women the myth of 'having it all' was dreamt up by a MAN: 50 years on, a savagely ironic revelation about the Cosmo editor's book that sparked a sexual and social revolution; Alleged News
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3550973/How-book-sold-women-myth-having-dreamt-man-50-years-savagely-ironic-revelation-Cosmo-editor-s-book-sparked-sexual-social-revolution.html
With thanks to dailymail.co.uk
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