LUKY
DURING THE WAR SOME OFFICERS WERE HAVING A DISCUSSION IN AN OFFICERS' MESS.
As often happened in those days, the conversation turned to their wives and famlies at home, and to marriage in general.
The chaplain, a Catholic priest, was listening to the men in silence, since he had no anecdotes of his own to offer.
An officer turned to him.
"Tell me, Father," he said urgently, "you're not married, so you've no axe to grind. What, in your opinion, is the most important ingredient of a happy marriage."
The priest thought for a moment. Then he said: "I think mutual respect is the essential basis for a happy marriage."
Pandemonium broke loose. Everybody started to argue at once, saying the same thing in different words: "Respect the most important ingredient of a happy marriage? Never! What about love?"
Since the priest in question happened to have been my uncle by marriage, I have often thought about these words.
Is respect more important than love?
I was never quite sure in my early married life, but now I am in total agreement with the priest. Respect is the basic element required in marriage, and also in all other human relationships, because most people, when they feel respected, do everything in their power to remain worthy of such respect.
As for love, there is nothing as beautiful as true love between people; but unless there is respect as well, it can lead to many unhappy situations, if we're to believe the press.
Some people have been taught to respect others from childhood, which leaves them at a disadvantage for the rest of their lives, materially speaking.
Others have not - and when the former become involved with the latter, their respectful attitude is interpreted as manifesting a lack of courage rather as a civilised way of behaving.
This is why some people bully others. They hold them in contempt because they return a pleasant answer for a nasty crack.
Yet, paradoxically, the man who is best at dishing out insults is the worst at taking them.
If someone, goaded beyond all self-discipline, finally turns on him like the proverbial worm, and succeeds in stammering out the reply he thought up in bed the night before, the bully is lost for words.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to show a spark of spirit now and again, if you feel people are taking advantage of your good nature?
On the other hand, it might even be a better idea for people who do not respect others to correct this bad habit.
If love and respect can go hand in hand, so much the better. But speaking for myself, I'd prefer to be treated with respectful dislike rather than with affectionate contempt.
