LUKY
ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS IN THE WORLD FOR PARENTS TO ACCEPT IS THAT THEIR CHILD HAS A DISABILITY, EITHER PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY.
When they are confronted with the knowledge that this child is not like other children, they may find themselves incapable of bearing this unexpected burden.
"Why me?" they ask, caught completely off guard. "What have I ever done to deserve such sorrow? Why should my child be blind or deaf, or paralysed, or mentally disabled?
"I could have borne any other affliction on his behalf, but to think that he will never be able to see (or hear, or move, or understand)! Oh, I can't stand it!"
I've got news for you.
There is no limit to the amount of heartache you can stand if you love your child.
What may prove to be truly intolerable will be the interference of smug outsiders.
"Handicapped? Isn't that caused by the parents being drunk when they conceived it?"
"No, I never heard that. But I heard that a child can be handicapped if its mother tries to have an abortion."
Of course the families on both parents' sides have to add their contribution:
"Nothing like that has ever happened in our family", both sets say. "It must have come from his (her) side."
These and similar views, as unscientific as they are uncharitable, should not be brooded upon.
The child's handicap is no fault of either parent or family.
Neighbours can drive you distracted when your child has a disability.
"He can't sit yet? Good grief, my niece is six weeks younger than him, and she's walking all over the house. I'm sure you're not feeding him properly. Have you tried giving him a tonic?"
You will notice that such neighbourly friends talk like this only when father is away at work, because father, more knowledgeable than his wife, avoids such people.
Parents of disabled children should consult reputable specialists. Give the best care you can give following their guidance.
Keep your child at home with you as long as your maternal intuition tells you that this is good for him.
God gave him to you, not to those who say: "Put the child in a home and forget you ever had him", or "Don't be selfish. Let him go. Think of your other children."
If you follow the first advice you'll very likely end up with attacks of migraine for the rest of your life, because nature has a nasty, subtle way of revenging itself upon those who violate it.
The people who tell you you are being selfish to keep your child should get their priorities straight. It is never selfish to care for your own offspring; on the contrary, it is the right thing to do.
And why deny your other children a chance to love and spoil their disabled brother or sister? Children thrive on helping others.
When you have taught the child all you can, it is time for him to receive the benefits of a special school.
Don't brood on the future. It has a way of taking care of itself.
Live each day as it comes, and leave the rest to God.
Rest assured that the disabled child will receive the fulfilment of his or her disabled faculties after death, and when his parents stand before the Throne of God to be judged, he will act as a powerful mediator on their behalf.
Catherine Nicolette
Well, Mom is speaking from experience here.
My brother Jo sustained early brain injury, and has coped with the challenges brain injury brings.
Having lived through childhood with a disabled brother, I can attest to the advice given by many during this time.
I had my own share of remarks; by age eleven I simply ignored their import [particularly the alcohol slur] and fixed the authors of the remarks with a glacial eye.
Some Comments Were Just Not Worthy Of My Attention, I considered.
Some kids in the street started throwing stones at my little brother and myself as we walked in the street; I remember cradling my arms protectively around him, his eyes rounded with terror.
One of the stones meant for him hit me on the cheek; blood trickled from the gash..
We turned in at our home gate, the words 'Mal, hy's mal, en jy is ook want jy gooi hom nie weg nie'
[Mad, he's mad, and so are you because you don't throw him away] following us.
Many years later when my brother was able to converse and explain, he told me simply that the stones had indeed hit him that day. Not the physical stones, but the stones that cut his heart were the taunts of madness, and the suffering he felt when I was cut.
I had long since forgotten the incident; though he has forgiven, he has never forgotten.
I found it odd that others felt it incumbent upon them to make remarks when the onus of care did not fall on them.
As young children, we siblings certainly helped with the physical and emotional care our disabled brother needed. But it never bothered us.
You see, to us our brother was just that; our brother.
Not a disabled person. Not a boy with a brain injury. Not someone who needed more care than other children his age.
He was our playmate, our brother, our friend. Ours to love and protect. His sorrows were [and are] our sorrows; his happiness, ours.
Looking back at those years, I can see so many things.
God sent us a special blessing when He chose our family for Jo.
Today this tall man - fluent in English and Afrikaans, singing Sotho songs of praise to God in a beautiful baritone - with an immense sense of humour and a very Dutch sense of dignity is my very best friend.
Last year when Jo and I had a long chat, I told him what was in my heart; my guilt that I am so far from home as Mom gets older, as I pursue charitable enterprise and ministry.
Should I return to the place of my birth, and put charity and ministry on the back burner for a while?
Jo's advice was given without hesitation.
'Why?' he asked. 'I look after Mom. God chose me to be with her as she grows older.
Do what He chose for you."
He is always doing thoughtful little services for Mom; making cups of coffee, cleaning the carpets, caring for the dogs, washing the dishes.
As the sister of a disabled brother, I can tell you that his joyous, innocent heart, insightful advice and brotherly love are among the greatest joys of my life.
If you have a disabled brother or sister, don't worry; embrace him or her.
God chose you specially for the honour of being his or her family.
Photograph taken by Catherine Nicolette. For use copyright free for any worthy purpose
No comments:
Post a Comment