Is the age of courtesy past?

No, says LUKY WHITTLE
But some people are inconsistent


A lady was telling me about a man, who,in her opinion, had behaved rudely to her.
"What do you expect?" she sighed, as she finished her narrative, "The age of courtesy is dead."
I disagree. The age of gentlemen kissing ladies' hands' may be dead and no self-respecting male bows to a woman with his hand on his heart these days (such a pity!) but as long as there are daffodils in spring and small babies are born to delighted parents, courtesy will live on.
I do agree, however, that there are a number of misconceptions governing courtesy.

My first dance
The first time I went to a real dance I was beside myself with excitement.
I wore a new dress and when my partner fetched me in a borrowed car I was determined to do him credit.
It was a dinner-dance and when he led me to our table, I was thrilled to see that he helped me into my chair as if I was fragile or something and couldn't manage myself.
When he pushed my chair in behind me I felt so grown up that I hardly tasted the delicious food.
The next day I was walking home from town when he passed me on his bicycle.
He might not look quite as glamorous in his overalls as in a tuxedo, but to me he looked good anyway.
He pedalled slowly next to me as we made plans for our next outing together.
Only when I arrived home, panting after battling to keep up with the bicycle, did I realise that he had not even bothered to get off it and walk me home at a more sedate pace.

Contradictory
Since then I've often noticed similar manifestations of upside-down courtesy.
At work there was a man who could not bear to watch the boss' pretty (and quite healthy) secretary carrying an armful of files into her employer's office.
"Let me help you, my dear," he'd say thoughtfully.
Yet this same man would give his wife the key to the boot of his car and tell her to bring in a battery he had bought, so that he could test it before putting it in.

On the short bus ride from town to the suburbs men often used to vie for the privilege of getting up for young women.
Yet on a long non-stop train ride you may find a jaded-looking middle-aged woman, obviously a factory worker, or a pregnant girl, leaning patiently against the partitions whilst scores of men sit around reading their papers.
Of course they may be tired too, and evidently they take the view that if women want to work like men they have to take the consequence, but they might shift up a little to allow them a part of their seats also.

Father's example
Youth is constantly under fire for not being courteous, but what can you expect from a young man who never saw his father offer his mother the first cup of tea, or stand back to allow her to pass through a door first?
He may one day learn which fork or spoon to use in a hotel at a table laid for a banquet, but his good manners will always remain a surface trait, discarded whenever it suits him.

I admit with regret that I have never attained to the sophistication and patience of ladies who remain seated until their escorts have walked all the way around their cars in order to open the door for them.
At the same time I never cease to be amazed when a car pulls up in the neighbourhood, its driver gives two sharp presses of the hooter and while he is lighting a cigarette, his girlfriend comes running out from the front door and breathlessly gets in next to him.
I believe that courtesy and good manners are not mere superficial qualities but simply subdivisions of the virtue of love.

Wife's birthday
One of the most courteous men I ever knew always forgot to send his wife flowers on her birthday.
The one time he remembered he had them charged and she found the account in her post-box at the end of the month.
Yet he was always unfailingly polite, gentle, cheerful and kind to everyone, not only to his superiors at work, but also to his colleagues, workers, his wife, my mother, and us, his children.