Luky:
SOMEBODY quoted Karl Rahner to me as saying that the way to attain maturity is not to do as you like but as you should, and it gave me much food for thought.
Behind the lined face I see in the mirror, with its appearance of calm maturity, there continues the turmoil I have always felt.
Trying to live in the Light of God's Grace is not easy. The world is not attuned to God. If you behave according to the precepts of the Bible, and you've never inherited money or entered a convent, you may find yourself becoming a holy, but very hungry hermit.
If, moreover, you have brought six children into the world, most of whom look to you for food, clothes and schoolbooks, you may find yourself shouting down the voice of your conscience for the sake of expedience.
Going out to work
The mother who has to go out to work is a case in point. The mother who does her ironing on Sundays is another.
My mother used to iron on Sundays because she was servantless and worked out. I came back to school from holiday one term to a catechism lesson in which reverend mother explained in detail the fate which awaited those people who did not keep the sabbath holy.
I was terrified that my mother would go to hell, and prayed for months for her salvation. In later years, I realized that Sunday was the only day my mother had the physical time to do the weekly ironing which ensured her family was well turned out for Mass and weekday work.
The God of Love surely smiled lovingly upon the self-sacrificing toil of my mother for her family during the only time she had available. So I came to peace that reverend mother meant well, and so did my Mama.
Sleep in peacefully
Father Norbert Jansen used to ask whether it was better to sleep in peacefully on a Sunday morning, or whether the parents ought not to get up, dress their children, and dish out disciplinary words to those who wouldn't hurry.
Maturity tells me that it's a church law and God's own law that we should go to Mass. Reality shows me that it sometimes does cost a few strong words to have everybody ready in time.
The good old days
When I was eighteen and had only myself to get ready for church, I was always tranquil, but by the time my family had arrived I often found myself wondering whether I should receive holy Communion after the way I'd had to carry on to get them all into the car in time.
To me the most comforting words in the Mass are those before Communion: "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed."
Life of principles
I think maturity is trying to live life according to your principles and beliefs even though everyone else may think you're misguided.
Sometimes people laughed at the way I believe, but I always asked myself, would they be holding my hand when I stand before God to give an account of my actions?
I used to think maturity was a kind of calm certainty, but now I think it's a constant reappraisal, a worrying uncertainty that never leaves you smug and contented.
I think trying to go to heaven is like trying to work in a very difficult job. You never know what challenges will present themselves in your new day.
He did not realize
One of my bosses once described me to myself as a "calm, mature woman". If only he knew my inner turmoil.
I think that the calmer people seem, the greater their inward struggle. Look on the wrinkles which grace faces of those who bear great responsibility.
Maturity is uncertainty and earnest endeavour, while smug complacency betrays immaturity. As long as you're on your toes you are prepared for any emergency, and this will help you to cope.
I regret to admit I've never become mature enough to refrain from searching for emotional security from my children. "Do you love me?" I would ask them. "Am I a good mother to you? Are you embarrassed because I'm not slender?" They were always very kind and reassuring, except one of my sons. He always answered the opposite to what I wanted to hear, then would add, "Don't worry, Ma" and would go off hooting with laughter . . .
Catherine Nicolette:
O my, Karl Rahner. How I love the writings of this German Jesuit priest, philosopher and theologian. "How often have I found that we grow to maturity not by doing what we like, but by doing what we should. How true it is that not every 'should' is a compulsion, and not every 'like' is a high morality and true freedom," are his immortal words.
The older I get, the more I realize that this is so true. Lived experience unveils that maturity arrives less through self-expression than through obligation. Duty is not oppression, desire is not liberation.
Zeitgeist
This of course flies in the face of much of the zeitgeist of my youth. Popular societal themes at that time often appeared to be that women could have it all - family and ongoing work-career despite pregnancies.
The spirit of the time seemed to suggest to my adolescent mind that the embrace of personal individuality was of prime importance. The discernment of possible consequences of personal actions (particularly negative repercussions) were not always regarded. It seemed to my youthful mind, that the concept of personal autonomy appeared to trump personal responsibility and accountability.
Contraceptive pill
Popular societal trend in my youth was liberation of women from unwanted responsibilities regarding childbearing. Chemical birth control often was hailed as the new liberator for women. Unfettered fertility was in many instances to be eschewed, family planning with small family numbers was touted, abortion and the morning-after pill were not unknowns. Many of these had consequences which haunt.
The contraceptive pill, so hailed in the latter part of the last century, has in many cases had such dire results that it has been classified as a group 1 carcinogen (a substance or agent that promotes the development of cancer) by the International Agency for Research on Cancer at the World Health Organisation (WHO).
Sisters of St Agnes Convent, Welkom
The dear sisters at the convent had a time of it, trying to teach us values of self-discipline, quiet fortitude, self-sacrifice and embracing community, during this time of societal change. They never gave up trying to show us another way.
Theirs was the way of quiet witness to hallowed sacredness of life, the family, value of the church and close friendship ties of the village community. As Dominicans, they unfailingly pointed us towards the Blessed Sacrament and exhorted us to listen to the Voice of Jesus Christ, instead of to the shifting sands of new trends.
Steady values
As convent girls, we also had a time of it, trying to reach adulthood in a church which rapidly lost a lot of certainty after Vatican II, and a society which often appeared to embrace individuality above village-style community.
Voices of hedonism and individuality which at times howl through society, battled in our hearts against the steady values we learned at our parents' knee and in the hallowed church.
Price to be paid
The years have now rolled on, my hair has much silvered, and I have seen many results of heartbreaks over the years. I realise that you cannot have full family life and full work career, without something giving in from time to time.
Sometimes personal mental and physical health suffers from work-related stress and workload. Sometimes you miss baby's first steps and first word, because you are at work earning shelter and food for baby.
Or you lose promotion at work because you stayed at home to look after baby who had a roaring temperature, in place of attending an important work meeting. No responsible parent can have it all without difficulty.
There is always a battle, a tension, between work and home commitments. The price to be paid is, if you choose work above home, your family relationships may suffer. If you choose home above work, you may be demoted or lose your job. As one wise priest told me years ago, "Everything has its price."
Duty is not a bad word
In my autumn years, I fully agree with Father Rahner that we need to do what we should, not what we like. Duty is not a bad word, it is a pathway which - although not always exciting - shows us what God wishes of us, as a member of His greater flock.
There are many issues that older age makes us bow our heads to, which in earlier years would have been difficult to conceive of - senior age-related illnesses, deaths of dearly loved ones who are in a personal sense irreplaceable, experiences of ageism.
We may experience the situation where we need to sacrifice our wants and needs in order to care for others who depend on us for their very existence. We face the challenge in our later years of facing our own mortality, and preparation for the final leg of our personal journey to heaven.
Truly, truly, I tell you
I am often reminded of the words Our Lord Jesus said to Peter, "Truly, truly, I tell you, when you were young you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you would rather not go." (John 21:18)
Spirit of self-sacrifice
In later years, we often are called on to sacrifice self-wishes quietly in order to help others in need. When we are older, maturity leads us to value the spirit of self-sacrifice necessary in order to minister to others' needs.
Offer sufferings in reparation
We endeavour not to complain so much. We learn to offer our sufferings up in repentance for the sins of the world. We appreciate the value of the unspoken word. We rein in our temper which may have been less controllable in earlier years. We practise serenity, pursue cleanliness of mind and thought, repent of sins in our past years, and practise inner peace.
Often there are experiences of illness where, quite literally, others need to assist you with humble realities of self-care.
Humbling of our inner selves
All of these scenarios lead to a humbling of our inner selves and, if accepted from the Hand of Divine Providence, to spiritual and emotional maturity.
How to offer sufferings in reparation for the sins of the world;
Offering sufferings in reparation for the sins of the world involves uniting your daily struggles and sacrifices with the Love of God, often through prayer and acts of penance. This practice is rooted in the belief that such offerings can bring about spiritual good and conversion for oneself and others.
The act of reparation emerges powerfully as a urgent and profound path for people who wish to console the Heart of Christ - wounded by the sins of the world - and actively participate in the restoration of spiritual order. [1]
[1] When Love is wounded; the power of the act of of reparation in times of indifference, Alleged News
With thanks to catholicus.eu
Image "Quiet prayer in peaceful companionship" courtesy of Chatgpt with CN Whittle
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