Annie belongs to me

Luky;

PEOPLE WHO believe I am a rabid feminist are wrong. I cannot in conscience proclaim myself to be an advocate of the claims and rights of the woman as long as I feel equally committed to those of the male of the species. I do believe that God appointed the man to be the protector of the woman. Before my husband died, he was welcome to be the boss in our home. I believe every ship should have a captain and I find it easier to serve than to command. In my parental home, on the other hand, my mother was the undisputed boss. I watched her bend almost double under burdens my dad would have been quite prepared to assume. He'd have managed them with far less emotional stress to either himself or us, so I often wondered why she bothered. However, it was never any use arguing with my mother. She had the highest domestic standards of any woman I've ever known.


Her efforts beyond the call of duty did not go unrewarded. A few years before his death, my father received a legacy from his parents which he put into my mother's hands. When I asked him why, he said it was to thank her for everything that they had achieved together because she had never stopped working - sewing, cleaning, cooking as well as working in his business and later outside the home. He wanted her to benefit from the fact that their grinding poverty was something of the past.


I have sometimes felt that men are more dedicated than women to their outside jobs. To me, women seem to find their personal ambition clouded by their regard for their offspring as their principal concern tends to be for the family and to give their children better opportunities, while men like to be successful at their jobs for their own satisfaction. To paraphrase George Orwell: 'Men and women are equal but men are more equal than women at work and women more equal then men in the home.' Many women of my generation and earlier found peace in their hearts, because they regarded personal success as short-lived and ephemeral and looked to their children to ensure their immortality.


Coming back to my parents' marriage, I understood a great deal about my dad's gentle philosophy the day a neighbour who felt my father was hard done by by my mother, expressed her feelings. She said: 'Annie always talks about everything as hers - 'my house, my furniture, my children.' She seems to think that everything the two of you possess belongs exclusively to her. Surely it belongs to you just as much?'
My father smiled and looked at my mother with love.
'This family, this house and everything in it belong to Annie,' he said, 'and Annie belongs to me.'